Ok, I admit it. I had just about enough. Siblings, you know the sort of church meeting this was - endless, with so much discussion of trivia and side-issues that I felt the seconds of my life ticking away between the monotony of those who cannot comprehend simple English and those whose desire to hear their own thoughts drowns out any other sound. Finally, when I though perhaps the ordeal was over, the discussion turned towards me, or rather, on me. The topic surrounded something I wasn't responsible for, yet I felt like everyone was blaming me. I had to get out before I struck someone in anger. I was blindingly enraged. I grabbed my sticks (crutches), and stormed out, muttering vile imprecations under my breath and wondering if the empotion I felt wasn't somehow aking to Divine wrath.

Well, not exactly. This is how I remember that afternoon, only ten days ago from this writing. But I am told that I was reasonable throughout and departed after a quick apology. So why the two stories?

People with multiple sclerosis try all sorts of medications to relieve the symptoms of fatigue and lack of mental clarity. In my case, many MS patients have had good results using a drug normally used to treat narcolepsy. I had tried a similar product late last summer, but with a bad reaction some weeks after use. But this time, the doctors and pharmacists assured me, I had a real shot at some positive results. For three weeks, the medication wor ked wonders. I was my old self again, able to multitask, switch gears, and keep focus. Then the wheels fell off, and it happened right in the middle of this church meeting.

Most MS medications work on brain chemistry. So does the one I was taking. My unreasonable rage was a direct result of a reaction to my new medication. I realized this as I drove away from the meeting, seething, trying very hard not to speed or drive wrecklessly. I realized that my emotions didn't match the siuation.

Like most disabled people, I have an emergency plan. I had church members ready to pick-up my children from the bus stop.  I had no obligations I couldn't cancel with a single phone call. I had the pizza guy on speed dial. The plan worked. I went to bed for about 24 hours or so.

Ten days later I am still recovering. But I also learned a little something. Call it a drug-induced insight if you like.

Isn't all rage unreasoned? Unreasonable? Wrath, I think, belongs to God. I think God can keep wrath as far as I am concerned, since God keeps the pleasure component (vengeance) it seems the other half must belong to God as well.

The doctors say that this stuff will be out of my blood chemistry in a few weeks. Too bad, the positive effects were really, really good. And even after stopping the medication I'm being treated with a little more deference than usual.. . .  Dr. David "The Hulk" Banner used to say, ". . . don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

Grace & Peace! -Br. Rog

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